QUESTION: Masters, I am a 22-year-old college student and will be graduating soon, but I find that my life is permeated with a sense of hopelessness. I have always wanted a girlfriend but have never been able to find a girl who feels the same way. I didn’t finish high school due to a girl that I had very strong feelings for who was in a relationship and unable to return my affection. I find that I have great difficulty in forming relationships with women my age. I am thinking that I may never find a girlfriend—I do not feel I have the qualities required. This is making me question if my life is worth living. Being in a loving relationship with another seems like the only thing worth living for and if I don’t have that, I feel that nothing else is worth it. Why am I here? ~Lee, New Zealand
ANSWER: Having a physical loving relationship is only one of many reasons that bring a soul to Earth. When humans spend all their time searching for someone else, it is because they do not feel comfortable with themselves, and they definitely do not love themselves as the magnificent souls they are. You should first ask yourself: Why are you afraid of spending time solely with yourself? Why can you not love the person you are?
Your inability to partner with a woman is caused by the passion you bring to the situation. Someone your own age is terrified—as you also should be—of the intensity you assign to a relationship. You do not even know what “love” is. You have created a need for an imaginary thing. You did not have the sense of belonging and being loved that you desired in your childhood so you fantasized about getting it elsewhere. A girlfriend, or even a wife, is not going to immediately solve your sense of worthlessness and being loved.
Before you forsake this beautiful life, go inside and connect with the unconditional love that resides with your soul. Discover what a fantastic soul you have. Understand you are a piece of Source and, as such, are as great, wonderful, and deserving as Source itself. Before you become obsessed with another human being, become obsessed with understanding and loving yourself.